A Buzz From Maz

We are now at the half century mark. If you have come so far, you will be familiar with the main features of brighter writing. Most of the tips given are simple and easy to apply.
In short, everyone who wants can write well.

The most important element is the will. You have to be honest and ask yourself - Do you write to impress or to communicate?

Before we go to other more substantive issues, I think it is time for a summing up of all the writing tips given up to this stage.

1. Write simply and naturally as if you are speaking. Be specific, use strong verbs and nouns, and avoid words that you are not sure of.

2. Keep sentences short and simple whenever possible.

3. Rely mostly on commas and full stops for punctuation.

4. Do not use imageries, similes and metaphors unless you handle them correctly and effectively.

5. Write with rhythm and variations in sentence structure.

These rules are not meant to intimidate. Consider them as good advice that you can break only if you have a good reason. Otherwise, observe them. You have more to gain than lose.

Remember the objective of the guidelines is to help you write more effectively. So do whatever that will help you clarify your thoughts and improve your writing.

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As this is a writing clinic and not a grammar course, I am not going to dwell at length on punctuation marks. Of the three most commonly used - the question mark, the full stop and the comma - only the last requires explanation.

The common uses of commas are as follows:

1. To separate a series of articles: I like to eat apples, papayas, oranges, mangoes and watermelons.

2. To separate an expression or a phrase in a sentence to avoid confusion: Sentosa, formerly known as Pulau Belakang Mati, has become a major tourist attraction.

3. To separate a phrase at the beginning of a sentence: With its 15th anniversary approaching, there is no better time for the Sports Association to hold a seminar to chart new directions.

4. To separate two adjectives that separately qualify a noun: Dollah is a handsome, responsible man. Instead of a comma, you can also used the conjunction and.

5. To separate two independent clauses, each with its own noun and verb, and joined by a conjunction. They can stand on their own as simple sentences but they have been joined to create impact.
Just as the entire cemetery ground was taken over by the government, so too the Bidadari mosque will have to go in the name of renewal and redevelopment.

There are a few more uses of the commas and it can be quite complicating to try and remember all of them. The best rule is to ask whether a comma would help to improve clarity. If it does, use it.

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Punctuation marks are needed to separate ideas and make them more manageable. The most common is the full stop that is used to separate one sentence from another. After that come the comma and then the question mark.

Others include the colon, semi-colon, the dash, the parenthesis, the exclamation mark and the interjection.

Even a lengthy article on a weighty subject needs only the comma, question mark and full-stop. You don’t lose any marks by not using the colon, dash or semi-colon.

If you think you need to use them, always reconsider. Ask yourself whether you can avoid them. One easy way is to clarify your thoughts and make your sentences simpler.

Do not fall into the trap of beginners. Some of them resort to the colon, semi-colon and dashes to impress. Unfortunately, they often use them wrongly.

Of all the fallacies relating to writing, the desire to impress by making things more complex is the most counter-productive.

You write to communicate, not to impress. And the best form of writing is to write naturally and to the point. It is also the most effective.

If you want proof, read the writings of Senior Minister Lee Kuan Yew, who is one of the proponents of clear and concise writing.

In an article he contributed to the Far Eastern Economic Review, dated July 3, 1998, headlined A Place for Business, Not Politics, he used only the humble full stop and comma.

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What is colour writing? This refers basically to the use of imageries to brighten your language. If well written, it helps to make your writing expressive.

The danger, as the previous clinic shows, is that you may make a mess of it. Colour writing is difficult and not for everyone. You have to master the fundamentals of writing first before you try your hand at it.

For instance, one night I heard a news item on retrenchments that was dressed up to impress. Metaphors such as ”given marching orders” and ”were booted out” were used.

I thought it was most inappropriate to use such colourful terms in a simple story on bank workers being retrenched because of the recession. I was shocked.

The simple reason is that those imageries are used usually to describe the dismissals of those found guilty of some offence or others.

For example, James was booted out of the camp for drunken behaviour.

Ahmad was kicked out of the apprentice course after failing his competency test for the second time.

Twenty workers at a watch factory were given marching orders for habitually coming late to work.

For workers retrenched through no fault of their own, it is more appropriate to use words such as axed, laid off, or asked to leave.

So be careful of imageries.

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A good cook knows how to use spices and sauces to make food more delicious. But the combination must be right. Too much of any spice can hurt the taste buds.

The same applies to the use of imageries such as similes and metaphors in writing. If used correctly, they add colour and enhance understanding.

A simile states that something is like something else. Here are some examples. Your smile is as sweet as a rose. I feel like an omelette in a frying pan. She is as free as a balloon cut from its string.

A metaphor also states that one thing is like another but in a slightly different way. It pretends that something is like something else. For example, my love is a rose. The moon is a pie. Violence is colour blind. The dawn of a new career is an exciting time. She sailed across the room.

They are both techniques for comparison. They are used to make the abstract visual, the general specific and the complex simple.

Though imageries are handy devices to spice up any type of writing, they can also make it worse. There are two dangers.

1. The imagery may be stale. For example, as busy as a bee, as thin as a scarecrow.
2. It may not work or it may be nonsensical or too far-fetched. Like, for example, I feel like a spaceship hurtling round the earth.

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Get to the point as quickly as possible. This is one of the writing rules introduced in an earlier clinic. It is relevant also in paragraph construction.

Rewrite the following paragraphs to bring out their main point.

1. Among other successful graduates include Ms Faridah, who is a
graduate teacher with an Honours degree in English and Mr. Norman, who is a journalist after receiving his Political Science degree.

2. Other guests at the Graduates Tea like Omar, Ali and Hamid are
all senior technicians in Telecoms, while Zulkifli is a qualified engineer who is also studying for a Masters degree on a part-time basis.

3. Abu Dhabi plans to set up the world’s biggest Islamic bank. The proposed bank will be the second Islamic bank in the country after the Dubai Islamic Bank(DIB). At present DIB is the biggest Islamic bank in the world with paid-up capital of USD 120 million at end of 1995.
All three are rather confusing, right. Try to simplify them before you read on.

1. Other successful graduates include Ms Faridah and Mr. Norman. The former is a graduate teacher with an Honours degree in English, while the latter is a journalist with a Political Science degree.

2. Three senior Telecoms technicians were also at the tea. They were Omar, Ali and Hamid. Another guest was Zulkifli, an engineer who is doing a part-time Masters degree.

3. Abu Dhabi plans to set up the world’s biggest Islamic bank. At the
moment, the title goes to the Dubai Islamic bank. The DIB, which is also the country’s first Islamic bank, has a paid-up capital of USD 120 million at end of 1995.

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I don’t like big lumpy steaks. They put me off. If cut into tiny morsels, like in the Indian-style fried mutton, I find them delicious and irresistible.

When it comes to reading, I am put off by long paragraphs. Many readers are like me too. So don’t hesitate to break them up into tiny, digestible units.

Paragraphs serve a useful function in all forms of writing. They help writers to clarify their ideas and they help readers to understand. That is why newspaper stories are always broken up into short paragraphs of between one to three sentences.

Until you become a good writer, you should always strive to write short paragraphs. Limit yourself to only one manageable idea per paragraph.

The writing of a paragraph follows the same principle as in sentence construction. The sentences should appear in the best possible order. The first sentence normally introduces the idea and the other sentences elaborate on them.

As an illustration, read these two paragraphs:

Yusof and Abdullah have been best of friends since kindergarten days. They grew up in the same neighbourhood and they went to the same schools. Both of them are also keen football fans.

It is 1997 in Hong Kong and Victor Fung is working to beat the clock. At stake is the future of his business, Li Fung, the biggest trading firm in town. But the nature of his battle may come as a surprise, given the time and place.

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Remember the advice on overloading your sentences. Either break them up into two or eliminate the non-essential words. Here are more exercises. Read them and then try to simplify them.

1. This is made possible due to a greater understanding of the problem of drug addiction and the adoption of various strategies by organisations, both government and non-governments, to minimise it.

2. I welcomed that one of the objective which has been set for this event is to raise public awareness of the aging problem as well
as to strengthen inter-generational ties and communications between the young and old.

3. The issues raised today will hopefully be the basis for discussions within your respective organisations and would hopefully contribute to more effective projects in the coming years.

4. As you know, when it comes to health, there should not be any compromise, as being blessed with good health is a conscious choice that individuals of all ages must make.

Try to improve the sentences first before reading further.

1. This is made possible because of two reasons. One is the greater understanding of the problem of drug addiction. The other is the effort by government and non-government organisations to minimise it.

2. I welcomed the objectives of this event. They are to raise public awareness of the aging problem and to strengthen ties and communications between the older and younger generations.

3. The issues raised today will hopefully be discussed by your respective organisations and lead to more effective projects in the coming years.

4. You should never compromise your health. The choice is yours to make.

Of course, there are other ways of correcting the sentences too. So don’t be discouraged if you version differs from the above examples.

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Sentences are the columns of your writing. You can strengthen them in two ways. One is by positioning your words in the right order and two, leaving out unnecessary ones.

Foe exercise, study the sentences below and try to improve them by rearranging the words and/or deleting the useless words.

1. Robert is a young man who is very ambitious.
2. Abdullah retired from the army with a pension and a gold medal after 25 years of distinguished service.
3. There is a stain on your shirt near the left pocket.
4. The show was cancelled because of the general strike at the very last minute.
5. The launching of this project marks the culmination of the growing concern in the importance of addressing youth issues from the social point of view.

Please try to add muscles to the sentences. To help you, here are some hints. 1. Weak ending, replace a phrase with a word. 3 and 4. Rearrange the words for greater clarity. 5. Cut and trim.

1. Robert is an ambitious young man.
2. There is nothing wrong with this sentence, but you can rewrite it in two ways.
a. After 25 years of distinguished service, Abdullah retired from the army with a pension and a gold medal.
b. Abdullah retired from the army after 25 years of distinguished service with a pension and a gold medal. (of the three versions, which do your prefer?)
3. There is a stain near the left pocket of your shirt.
4. The show was cancelled at the last minute because of the general strike.
5. This project reflects the growing need to address youth issues.

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If you eat too much, you are likely to fell bloated and possibly end up with a stomach ache. If you try to say too much in one sentence, the end result is almost the same. You get a bloated sentence, which is also clumsy and unfocussed.

This is what is known as overloading. The solution is simple. Instead of trying to say everything in one sentence, why not try to do it in two or three sentences. Alternatively, rewrite them. Eliminate what is not essential.

Look at the following sentences. Do you consider them to be overloaded? What can you do to make them more manageable?

1. One of the objectives of this seminar is to set up a plan of action for the direction in which youth development programmes should take, especially the challenging task of working with at-risk youths.

2. Let me begin by thanking the Central Council of Social Services and Yayasan
MENDAKI which is one of its constituent members for inviting me to this
Fitness Weekend which I regard as important as it aims to enhance the importance
of maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

Both sentences could be rewritten and/or broken up into shorter and simpler sentences for greater impact and clarity. SEE BELOW

1. One objective of this seminar is to plan the direction of youth development programmes, especially those dealing with at-risk youths.

2. I like to thank Yayasan MENDAKI and the Council of Social Services for inviting me to this Fitness Weekend. I regard its aim of enhancing a healthy lifestyle as important.

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